Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Time - Value

It is disappointing to have a divide between what I am learning about Finance and the real world situation.  At this point, interest rates are dismally low. I am earning perhaps .3% on my savings. While I hear this is a borrowers market, it is not a savers - I haven't anything for which I would need a loan quite yet.  Thus I stare at my bank account and sigh.  It is hard to save for the future when the future prospects of tying up capital are this pitiable.  Interest rates MUST go up from here, and I must wait for them to recover. Interest rates are based upon perception, and investors have been burned by the economy of late.  Those in charge of the federal interest rate are in a tight spot because the crisis caught our economy while it had low interest rates already.  Usually, lowering interest rates is a measure that allows an economy to recover, as cash flows are encouraged through investment in assets and expansion.

I dream of a 5% interest as illustrated in class. But, events are not allowing for this.  This reminds me of what a small, infinitesimal speck I am in the vast floods of people in the world.  Dave Barry once gave the illustration of an ant on a tire:  "The ant is aware – on a very basic level – that something large is there, but he cannot even dimly comprehend what this thing is, or the nature of his involvement with it. And if the truck starts moving, and the tire starts to roll, the ant will sense that something important is happening, but right up until he rolls around to the bottom and is squashed into a small black blot, the only distinct thought that will form in his tiny brain will be, and I quote, ‘Huh?’…"  This was concerning the relationship of men and women, but the scale feels the same between me and the vast complexity of our economy.

I know friends who play the stock market, but I don't trust its workings.  There is a reason why stockbrokers have a full time job - it is the ability to read trends, understand human behavior as different groups, comprehension of timing, size, and risk, as well as a knack for self-control for when to stop.

Anything can become addictive, I hope to be habitual on in proper behaviors.  I know that I overthink things, overdose and obsess over having everything available when I start.  I have a great desire for control over my life, and it scares me when that illusion is ripped apart at the seams-that-be (alternatively: seems-to-be).  I haven't a great amount of control, but what little measure I am given, I must learn to handle correctly.  For life doesn't halt for anyone, time is not reclaimable, and entropy only grows larger over time.

For each decision, there are consequences. There are probability trees to estimate the likelihood of an event occurring, but they are just that: educated guesses.  The variation depends on decisions made by others in similar veins to your own, as well as reactions to your decision from other people.  There are three types of people: Proactive, reactive, and refrainers.  The first two are initial motion and reaction, the last is the a conscious choice not to act. Oh how complicated things can be, it delights and confuses my mind.

God in heaven may look down at us and smile - how entertaining to watch us weave the patterns of life with the gifts and talents he gave us.  May I not squander the freedom and abilities I have, cultivate, and am learning to appreciate.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Valley - Purity

Beauty must be protected.

As a land is filled with life,
And with diverse species.
I look at this soil with a wistful sense of duty.
Though it is not mine,
nor do I feel a craving to claim it as such,
I desire to see its future claimant as worthy of its grandeur.
I know it is in good care now, as it flourishes
And brings a smile to my face with its liveliness.
I want to support it in my spirit,
Not because I have to do so,
but because I want the best for it.
The beauty stirs in me a longing to see
Its trends spread to neighboring lands.
It is a gentle reminder to pay notice
To the lands that are my duties now in this age of my life.
There will come a day when another will look on these,
Feel the same desire for the land,
And have a vision for how to grow it
with time & gentle care into its full potential.
Oh, how beautiful & wonderful it will be a witness to that day.
As Saint Irinious wrote, "The Glory of God is man fully alive."
I will sojourn & labor towards that day
Where I discover this greater duty arises,
And the vision be made clear.
I pray that the land responds well to my efforts
as I learn & grow in experience in the attempt.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Mirror - Image

I was thinking about images. One of my friends was in a picture. I asked when showing it to them - "Is that you?" "No," they replied, "I am not." I was confused, it looked as though it was a younger version with a different appearance, hair length, slightly younger shadow of who they were at the time. Before I could follow it up with a query as to whether the person in the photo was a relation, they clarified. "That was me, I am no longer that person. That image is not ME." 

I understood, but it was a different perspective on the matter than was customary. Photos are moments captured in time - their subjects change & shift in minor ways that cumulate into building them to a different person. Still it felt like semantics, maybe the person was trying to be clever or make a point. Perhaps both.

It caused me to consider &, as is my habit I squirreled it away in the garden of my mind, leaving it to be fertilized by ideas old & new.

One of these is the concept of mirrors. The concept of viewing your own reflection & recognizing it as yourself is a test of self-awareness & consciousness.  But mirrors are imperfect - they show a face, but it is in reverse.  I have to remind myself that the image's right eye is my left, it needs to be reflected upon others to show my full profile from all angles.  Yes, it is useful as a tool, but must be held as such. Images are imperfect, it takes a multitude of reflections to achieve a complete picture of yourself.

As I write this, my focus can refract into many directions & conclusions. I hope that my musings stir you to greater thought upon these, reaching conclusions I never dreamed. Maybe you don't think about this as an issue worth addressing - it is easier to accept it as a truth of life.

But I am not satisfied. I need to be provoked to thought, to progress, to action upon what weaknesses I see in my environment & myself. Too much of the time, I leave my thinking to others, outsourcing my opinions to those who have already studied & decided. I haven't gone through the process of experimenting on my own, discovering data, & understanding why the conclusions were made as they were.

Things are always moving, changing, revising. Yes, I can learn through the snapshotted views of others, but I should remember that only God knows the final truth. That should not faze me from pursuing a greater knowledge of Him & his creation. We are fearfully & wonderfully made in His image. While we are imperfect, there remains a shadow of our future perfection in Him. I will strive to be a clear glass, polished through his tempering, cleaned by His blood, reflecting His love & light to those around me. An image lasts but a moment, but the subject lasts eternal.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Nighttime - Musical

I am in my Junior year of college, and although I retain my honors status, my wits and wiles sometimes lie thin in getting work done.  I sat through three classes which were interconnected in a bloc today. The first was demanding of the above qualities, for the teacher delights on minimal hints as to the text, while encouraging application of the concepts in class exercises.
The second class is taught by a professor who is class interaction heavy - his view of the text is as a resource and wants his students to come to class prepared to engage with  logical progression in provide suggestions as to application of concepts.  The third is my favorite, not only because it is the last, but the professor is well-experienced and gives a broad homework question which is to be answered and brought to class to share.  This encourages collaboration with other students to thresh out potential details and structure for the answers as well as ingenuity and self-education in creating the individual solutions as distinctive. 

On the way outside the building, I notice the rain soaked landscape, the overcast sky.  It brings to mind the Reliant k lyric "Lately the weather has been so bi-polar , and consequently so have I." (High of 75, Mmhmm).  This wasn't one of the affected days, I was cheerful in the aftermath and delightedly scampered the empty streets of my downtown area.  My mother warns me that I will eventually be reckoned for my reckless attitude towards crosswalks & impatience to keep moving when I have somewhere to go.  I take joy in the feeling of the whistling wind as my backpack slaps in a side-to-side rhythm and my coat flares behind.  I was listening to a Nerdist podcast and picked up my pace during the 8-bit theme.  Electronic music is an effective pace-creator and motivator to prolong sprints.  The episode's content wasn't particularly interesting at times, but the overall effect of enthusiasm and amusement of Hardwick & company's banter was pleasant.

It helped to pass the time as I awaited public transport homeward - because parking at college is notoriously frustrating and it is cost effective to buy a discount pass from the University than paying for gasoline. I have more time than I have cash flows, so it is a trade-off that I recognize and accept.  I had G.K. Chesterton's "The club of queer trades" in my backpack, but didn't withdraw it as is my usual habit in deference to the still unfinished podcast.  The book is a collection of interconnected short stories with a reoccurring cast.  As with most of Chesterton, the story is a vehicle for the author's views of humanity in a greater point.  The tales are contrived, but cleverly and deftly so.  Even when I do not understand everything taking place, I want to learn quickly and thus pay greater notice to the words he chooses and themes upon which he expounds.

When I arrived home I had in mind to work ahead of my schoolwork tomorrow. My friends ran a simulation as part of a class and their scores were superior to my own experiences.  After retrying the parameters for forty-five minutes, I was no closer to solving the formula for how they had managed to accomplish the feat.  I scrolled through my twitter feed and happened across my internet friend @soldeglo announcing a BlogTV hangout.  As I had never attended one of the previous shows - I was late or without proper access, I determined to visit this one.

It was delightful, I enjoy this lady's perspective - she is insightful, thoughtful, talented, and has a beautiful perspective on life in general.  I don't recall how I first stumbled upon her channel, but I quickly became an avid follower.  She reminded me of my older sister by two years who I have ever adored and looked up to my life.  She was a peer, who laid voice to many thoughts that I hadn't put into words, admitted to thinking, or would have the skill to speak as she did.

I attach a great interest to other people and was soon hungering for more of her thoughts as her video blogs grew further and further apart.  It was like finding a new favorite author and reading their recent releases, only to run out of fresh material and start rooting around bookshops and libraries in search of their older works.  The difference here was that I was forced to view her as a real, tangible person who responded to my comments and thoughts, rather than an abstraction or ideal.  It is ironic that I hate the idea of putting people into simple categorical boxes, yet I often find myself doing it to people.  Nay, people are more like flowerpots - their roots run deeper and thoughts grow higher than I suspect, I can only focus on one portion at a time.  They are no less complex, but I hope that my self-awareness of this pratfall trains me to question it healthily and not reduce others, but build them up, supporting their work. 

I didn't want to be an aggressive stalker, but a curious observer as to what else Soldeglo held as an opinion and observation.  Tonight she and her sister played piano, did impressions, and sang duets.  It was charming and entertaining - it reminded me not to take my own family for granted.  My younger sisters are also interesting and warrant my attention.  (Often deserving more than I bestow, for I can be absent physically and mentally at times.).  The sisters showed love and sisterly inside jokes with one another.  While they may not always be on the best of terms - this was a treat and they enjoyed it thoroughly.  I wanted to thank them for allowing friends and strangers to view a window into their lives.  Jake Sidwell, by the username of Cohenism on YouTube, patrolled the text feed for his friend, kicking out the stranger strangers.  I was pleased at his diligence and learning slightly more about him.  Jake's work on YouTube is very well polished, he is studying the art of filmmaking and his finished products are a wonder to see.  I admire him as well, but he is slightly reclusive and restrained in his internet interactions at times and I respect him all the more for that.  His scripts are poetic and his speech eloquent in metaphor and associations - he has a gift for putting vague emotions and feelings into paragraphs that arrest the audience's attention and imagination.

I thank God for wonderful people like this, who remind & reinvigorate me as to the reason for living well.  There is a purpose and beauty behind all this environment of nature and creation of man.  I need times like these to refocus and glory in the moment I have, while it is still called today.