Smoked - Butts

I think I have managed to burn myself out, but thankfully I have not burned my home down in my distracted weariness of mind and body.

It is discouraging to wake up and feel behind in making progress on many smaller projects I have started towards this year. This awareness is also stirred by professional training webinars I have been churning through to maintain my licensed status in my field. Between the "ABCDE" and the "Eisenhower" methods, I have to prioritize what is important and what is urgent upon which to set my attention and energy.

There are a couple of books which friends have recommended to me, and they are of considerable length, which would give me much to ruminate and converse with them in the future if I manage to tackle them properly. (The books, not my friends.)

And there are volunteering ventures to which I also want to be more consistent in showing up, in order to contribute in building into my local community's well-being and success.

And then there are personal projects and priorities which add to my quality of life and ability to enjoy it. But, as Nate Bargatze puts it "Goals should be something you should be embarrassed to tell people you couldn't get done, and dreams should be things that you would be embarrassed to say out loud." So I guess I am striving to have more discretion and intentionality to my life and how I spend it with people.

But my attitude of late has been like a dog whining helplessly, torn between interesting new sights and smells and greeting peers and strangers alike with enthusiasm and vigor. So I am having to learn how to collect myself and pause in considering the prudence and feasibility addressing my wishlist in a methodical manner.

It isn't as fun to say "no" to people's expectations, including myself in that equation. But I had to take a short walk to ground myself to being present. A coworker recently was delighted to pick up "pork shoulder butt" on a grocery trip and shared the result with me as sliders for a lunch break. So, as I was doing my own grocery run this evening, I noted a clearance price on the same product and determined to learn how to do it myself at home too.

And in looking up exactly how other people prepared this shoulder, I learned that this cut requires patience with a low and slow heat to break down the dish. This discipline of having to wait for the perfection and completion of a process seemed appropriate for me in this season. I do not particularly share my coworker's delight in telling people about his smokin' hot butts in tight Hawaiian buns, but it did draw my mind to recognize the opportunity for growth in my own life to learn how to prepare something I have never tried before. There is a first time for everything, and gradually, I am having to make peace with a gradual approach to life and learning.