I was thinking about how to understand society & our disappointment s & shortfalls within it. Or at least mine. And I am certain that I am getting elements wrong through trying to simplify it here. But I also don’t want to waste people’s time so please be patient.
It is so much simpler to reduce people to bite size chunks within your own life. It is partially why I protest Myers-Briggs & personality tests. It is so tempting to put a label on something & let it stick. Including myself. But even stickers wear thin over time, tastes change. And they become either ill fitting or branding that you may no longer support. Sometimes it is that the object’s message changed. Sometimes it is just you. But it is simpler to understand & be reduced by the labels others have slapped on me or ones I did to myself. This entire blog reflects choices I made in the part & how comfortable I feel in living within the limitations I made for myself.
I gave this blog a name that was evocative at the time. It started out as me trying a fiction, then just deciding that this is where I consider things. Using a title mechanism of two words & drafting my thoughts from there. This is where I post when I bother to think that I have a thought I want to share outside my mind & the space is helpful for doing so.
I write an annual end of year letter now. Most of my creative energy is consumed there that isn’t already spent at my job. It is nice to have a job that burns off some of my creative energy. But I am not my job. And before this, I was not a particularly dedicated business major. It was a means to an end for me, and business as a end on its own does not excite me. What it manages to do is connect a through line by which I can support myself, my interests, and hopefully benefit others through the labor I perform. I used to think I was a remarkable student with a half decent memory & a penchant for trying to be clever because it interested me to be so & I like making people laugh. I would make a mockery of myself if someone would enjoy the joke with me rather than by laughing at me. Labels are funny that way. Stickers should be fun. But sometimes the joke loses its savor if it does not evolve and progress towards a mutual end. To remain unchanging is to stagnate.
But specialists. People find it much easier as an icebreaker to ask about jobseekers what do I do as a living? It is a helpful introduction for knowing how I tend to spend my days. But I don’t find it satisfying to distill myself down to my job of why I like it. Mostly, it is because I adore working with the people in my office & want to be very helpful for making their lives both professionally & personally better. And if I am doing my professional job well, I might manage to do so. But knowing them personally is what really excites me. There are days where my interest may drag, but I find it renewed by trying to help another person work on a problem. I like being helpful. My life is not as interesting as I am more interested in the lives of those around me. I am mostly interested in talking about other people’s stories as I am already living mine. I am not such an egotist to believe that my own goings on are of interest to everyone. I am very passionate about when I get to do things that involve other people.
But specialists. It is so much simpler to focus on people as one or two things that they are capable of doing for me. They are NPC’s, background characters, two-dimensional beings in my life who I will seek out if their skill sets or insights will prove useful for an issue I am sorting through & need help. I am fortunate to know people who are generally helpful for when I need an extra hand & generally have about the same habit for reaching out to me if likewise is needed. Outsourcing or contacting labor is convenient & simple. I recognize that this is a privilege that not everyone has the same access I have. And this is a troubling thought. Well, first of all that I am dismissing people in my life to two dimensions. I am being both flippant in some cases, but it is painfully honest in others. It is simpler to be known as “that guy who does that one thing” y’know, if he is not too busy or anything. People as sentient toolboxes for that one job that doesn’t come up often enough for me to learn to do myself.
But specialists. What a luxury it is to be able to focus on one thing mainly to make your income in life. And if you have enough gumption & leisure? Maybe turn your hobby into a side hustle. But there are people whose ability to outsource is limited by their environment, income, or time. And none of the options are great because each has a heavier impact on a smaller budget of time & money. A side hustle is not a luxury hobby, but a necessity to get by in life. Yes, it builds character to face hardship, but would be rough going to my shocks & suspension of patience if my entire life was a bumpy road at night with bad headlights to see what’s coming & no money to spare for better ones. And thanks that is assuming it will be a straight road without curves or other cars rushing by. Some people are specialists by circumstance rather than choice, and their opportunities are limited by their education level, availability, and physical abilities. And it is easier for me to go about my own life in ignorance of others’ struggles. But easy does not mean it is right. And I am working towards changing this in my life. Not out of guilt, but out of desire for empathy. I enjoy my life. I hope that others are able to enjoy theirs too. I have been given much, more than I ever deserved, even before I realized how much I have been given & had taken for granted. To much is given, much is required. And I want to do more & help more. And see more of other people than just one thing of how their lives could be shaped to benefit mine, but how I could reshape my life & habits to benefit theirs.
But specialists. Still working on this theme. Still working towards reshaping my attitude and mindset on these things. To wean myself off my desire for praise or acknowledgement for doing a right & good thing. Because I am responsible for myself & my choices. And I cannot live another’s life for hem, but I can try to make my part in it where my path crosses theirs a little easier & lighten burdens rather than adding to them.
But specialists. When it comes to the church & state, I was reminded last night about Israel in the Old Testament. How they wanted Moses to be their spiritual go between between God & then. To bring God’s Word down from the high places & tell them what He wanted them to do & how He wanted them to approach their daily lives. Much of the law was simply practical means of resolving conflicts with fellow men, both stoning or atoning for wrongdoing, and how to live a clean life before God & man. Simpler to outsource religious responsibility & burdens to someone outside yourself to sort through. Bring the preacher your dirty laundry & be washed in the blood of the lamb for forgiveness & a cleansed mind. And later Saul, for appointment as a go between between Israel & other nations’ relations. Politics is messy & troublesome. Let someone else decide the big things so you can focus on being a specialist in something you find much more comfortable performing. As long as the politics don’t infringe on my land & livelihood, it is all looking up for me. But a king has power, and vineyards got eminent domained for being too attractive to pass up. Some women too, whether married or soon to be widowed. Politics has a habit of making its way into people’s lives whether they are interested in it or would prefer to avoid its entanglements. And the poor man’s lamb is often taken, leaving him with neighbors looking down on him for being poor. Who are you to question the government? Be happy with the scapegoat he provided you in his grace, or you will be made into one before our very eyes for your ingratitude in the face of his charity. When a poor man doesn’t have a higher power to turn to for justice & mercy, if there is no hope of an afterlife paradise in Abraham’s bosom for Lazarus after being a lifetime beggar (Luke 16:23), I can understand an earthly outrage towards the rich men who do nothing to ease his pain. To tell the poor in health, wealth, or spirit that life will be better for their present sufferings and will be naught next to the glory of their heavenly reward. It rings as hollow as the empty stomach, wallet, or heart which is making its demands painfully urgent in the here & now. I am reminded of the Lord’s Prayer. Not only for the daily bread, but the ability for the person to receive & eat of it. And that it may be on earth as it is in heaven. Because it is often not. And the church is not a building, but a body, and the body should serve the head. And the head said to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, lift up the broken-hearted. If I am honest with myself, there is much personal growth for me if I am to heed that call. But I want to & I want to want to more.
I don’t want to treat my fellow man & woman for how they might benefit me, but how Christ has benefitted me beyond what I can repay, and that I might free others as well with the life I have left, as it should be Christ’s & not my own. It would be nice to be a specialist, but it is a price not everyone should be obligated to pay. For my ability to be so was paid by another. And by the lives of everyone else who poured their time & care into me that I may pay it forward. I don’t want to see you as merely a specialist either, though it is temptingly easier to put blinders up when looking at each others’ lives.
I know that Christ is traditionally known to have His ministry from 30-33, and there are days which I I remember to wonder what He was doing before then. I am not there yet, but I am working towards there in age & in my heart to be more like Christ for when that day comes. In the Lamb’s Book of Life is about the only special list I should care to see my name remembered. (Revelation 21:27).
