I am a person oriented to patterns and frameworks. To try to gain perspective by putting limits on what I can see to focus. My intended theme for this year was intended to be "incremental" growth. But instead, for my friends and family, it has been more of "sudden" loss and new growth. At least two of my friends have seen the passing of their parents. On the other end, many of my friends are expecting and giving birth. To one of my friends, both happened in the same night. And I grieved and rejoiced with them in that moment, but have had mostly vicarious filters in that I could see the grief and joy, but they were secondhand. Through a glass darkly, like in 1 Corinthians 13:12. But face to face is different. And I recognized that truth between knowledge and experience and was honest with myself and others about it.
Last night, I recieved the news that my brother-in-law's younger brother had been in a late night motorcycle accident and had not survived the trip to the hospital. And it didn't feel real. It still doesn't. But I spent today sitting with his family and friends, making space to process this.
Daniel was a good friend and an imperfect roommate. I had experience in the former, on and off, for the past decade as he lived out of state, and the latter for the past year and a half for when he moved. He was scattered at times, evaluating what he felt like doing moment to moment and how to skip the boring parts of life. He left this world doing what he loved: taking a late night ride home on his bike. His last Instagram story was the thrill of leaning into taking corners, his last post showed his joy and excitement in showing off the beauty of his new cycle. He took risks and enjoyed life, for that is the glory of youth. Youth is for making bold decisions and maturity is earned by living through the consequences. And now, he is finished with his lessons in maturity. He was fun and adventurous. He got invested in his hobbies and in his life, work was a means to the end of funding his ability to pursue his passions. He loved custom work on vehicles, whether gas or remote control kits. He loved to travel on the open road with friends to see the wonders of nature. But in the past year, his heart seemed to be a little more at peace with setting down some stakes to build his life rather than have a nomadic chasing of the sun and a purpose. I know that he was finding comfort and footing in his faith and relationship with God. He stated to his friends that he was happy and content with God's provision in his life. And now he is at the end of his race. And we are sorting out what he left behind. He was 20, and we, his friends mourn the absence of his presence in our future memories and moments in life. I do not mourn for him, though I loved him and how his joy was infectious to a space. I mourn for his family, of him not getting to witness being a new uncle to his siblings' kids. I mourn for his brothers who got to labor with him on a weekly basis and see his fingerprints and handiwork on their workspaces. I will miss seeing him, and I haven't fully internalized his absence.
