Today was rather short for me. I went to school for an exam, finished within 30 minutes, then had to decide what to do next. I had promised to stop by my brother-in-law's house to continue ongoing body work on my car, which has been a blessing out of a bad situation. More on that shortly.
So, before I kept my appointment, I ran out to get a half-dozen bagels and a coffee. 3 asiago cheese (our family has been pronouncing this variety wrong for a while, but saying "Asah-gi-oh" instead of "Ah-see-ah-go" hasn't diminished our enthusiasm for eating it.), one cranberry, one chocolate chip, & one cinnamon sugar. Vanilla Hazelnut coffee was my favorite offering last time, so I chose that with my take-out order.
Which is all to say is that this day started out well and has been continuing to be so. I arrived at my sister's house as she was completing an essay for an advanced writing class. She asked for my feedback as I sipped my coffee and nibbled on my chocolate chip bread circlet. She is an excellent writer, but was anxious from her morning coffee & the first-person emphasis in the MLA paper. It is a tricky balance to include enough of your personal experience while keeping an academically professional distancing between your writing & you.
By the end of the day's work on my car, I had removed the lights, sanded & primed the bumper, replaced the lights, & used bondo to smooth over uneven paneling. After taking a corner tap on my left headlight, I have been assisted by my brother-in-law, John, who has been instructing me on how to repair & refurbish a car. He has been ever-patient despite my hesitancy at each stage. I wanted clear direction & assurance for what I was to be doing. I don't mind the work, as long as I know I am not wasting effort in an elaborate, yet fruitless, pursuit.
After I was done with all this, I retired to his house to stay the night. I brought 3 lbs. of gummi bears, as I prefer to buy in bulk: I am disinclined to leave my house unless something important requires my attention or piques my interest. Thus, return trips to the store hold no allure. Buying in bulk is insurance against that, as well as an excuse to enjoy easy access to a large amount of a good thing.
One of my most distinct memories of my brother-in-law's gracious nature concerned snack food. We were on a day-trip to snowboarding resort. As he opened his trunk, an buffet of snacks was laid out. My siblings & I stared at them politely, in knowledge of the value & enjoyment of eating such foodstuffs, but recognizing the invisible lines of sacred ownership from years of surviving in a large family. John smiled knowingly, & announced. "I know that people don't like to be the first to eat another's food, so I will break that for you." John then opened all of the bags & boxes, sampling a first share of everything, then allowing us to partake in the same bounty. I was grateful to be understood in that unspoken courtesy, & even invited to share freely in the same. I am honored to say that, as I am in his hospitality even now, that spirit endures to this day.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
Clothed - Conceptual
This week has been stretching for me. It required some dexterity & patience not to panic, to give in to a decompression of academic proportion. I am enjoying the idea of school more than the actuality at times. More in the abstract perspective, than the full dose of reality.
I had occasion to dress professionally for a school event, I was smiling at myself, as I could not take myself seriously. Whenever I armor myself in my business-like sport coat and fine slacks, I am very conscious of the figure I cut. I feel like a child playing dress-up, an understudy to the play of life, shuffled onto the stage with more theory than experience as to how I am expected to perform.
My perception of myself extends to what I choose to wear. Most days, I am more focused on function than form in clothing. I have an abundance of T-shirts from which to choose, & prefer wearing jeans to shorts. My shins are like straggly saplings, accustomed to whipping in the wind than the stillness of stateliness.
So odd is clothing. How we as a society choose to array and adorn ourselves. I am generally in support of the practice, because it establishes unspoken boundaries in how to conduct my behavior.
I am more comfortable when I am decently covered, & more at ease when a conversational partner is as well. It is one less distraction for the focus on the topics discussed. I am more of a reactor when it comes to social situations. I prefer to gauge people to evaluate how they communicate, then tailor my message accordingly. I enjoy being able to help people - not out of a desire to gain attention, but as a provider of a need. It pleases me to please others, to make them smile, make them think.
A nightmare situation is one in which my services are called upon, & I am unable to deliver a suitable solution. I want to be useful, but continually question & evaluate myself as to whether I am. When I write, I want to be clever, to connect with my audience, to be understood. At the same time, any creative endeavor is an opportunity to be vulnerable - to be critiqued or wounded in a blind spot which was overlooked. Just because it was pointed out in love does not mean that it is any less embarrassing to discover. After the eventually, & upon reflection, it is often realized that my error was better revealed in that sphere than in a public undressing of the faulty area. It gives me time to analyze that weakness, to compensate for it or prop it up with other skills.
To reiterate, this week has tried my mettle - to meet expectations, deadlines, & strangers. But I have passed through intact, and I am grateful for that. I step back & view many of the things we take for granted as social norms & lightly laugh about how seriously I am expected to treat it, or even if I am supposed to even take note of it at all. I need to remember that life is not just a simulation - that I have to actually make the first move in certain situations. That projects & tasks will not be given to me unless I make a request.
It is just so frightfully exciting, really.
I had occasion to dress professionally for a school event, I was smiling at myself, as I could not take myself seriously. Whenever I armor myself in my business-like sport coat and fine slacks, I am very conscious of the figure I cut. I feel like a child playing dress-up, an understudy to the play of life, shuffled onto the stage with more theory than experience as to how I am expected to perform.
My perception of myself extends to what I choose to wear. Most days, I am more focused on function than form in clothing. I have an abundance of T-shirts from which to choose, & prefer wearing jeans to shorts. My shins are like straggly saplings, accustomed to whipping in the wind than the stillness of stateliness.
So odd is clothing. How we as a society choose to array and adorn ourselves. I am generally in support of the practice, because it establishes unspoken boundaries in how to conduct my behavior.
I am more comfortable when I am decently covered, & more at ease when a conversational partner is as well. It is one less distraction for the focus on the topics discussed. I am more of a reactor when it comes to social situations. I prefer to gauge people to evaluate how they communicate, then tailor my message accordingly. I enjoy being able to help people - not out of a desire to gain attention, but as a provider of a need. It pleases me to please others, to make them smile, make them think.
A nightmare situation is one in which my services are called upon, & I am unable to deliver a suitable solution. I want to be useful, but continually question & evaluate myself as to whether I am. When I write, I want to be clever, to connect with my audience, to be understood. At the same time, any creative endeavor is an opportunity to be vulnerable - to be critiqued or wounded in a blind spot which was overlooked. Just because it was pointed out in love does not mean that it is any less embarrassing to discover. After the eventually, & upon reflection, it is often realized that my error was better revealed in that sphere than in a public undressing of the faulty area. It gives me time to analyze that weakness, to compensate for it or prop it up with other skills.
To reiterate, this week has tried my mettle - to meet expectations, deadlines, & strangers. But I have passed through intact, and I am grateful for that. I step back & view many of the things we take for granted as social norms & lightly laugh about how seriously I am expected to treat it, or even if I am supposed to even take note of it at all. I need to remember that life is not just a simulation - that I have to actually make the first move in certain situations. That projects & tasks will not be given to me unless I make a request.
It is just so frightfully exciting, really.
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