As I have been working these past weeks, my mind dislodges previous memories and the impressions left behind are like little vulnerabilities. Not pain, but acute feeling in those areas, so I poke about in the memory wondering why it has come to light now. One of these is the memory of Boxer, the farm horse in Animal Farm by George Orwell. I don't typically reread books once completed, but Orwell makes a compelling argument to consider it on a case-by-case basis.
A revolution takes place on a farm, the pigs mastermind a plan to overthrow the yoke of their farmer and start their own government. As the book continues, the pigs gradually succumb to power's allure and become corrupted masters of their fellow creatures to a crueler degree than their former farmer. But it is worse because the pigs call this government "freedom" while enforcing psychological fear tactics, while before, animals knew they were slaves and did their jobs but were otherwise free.
Boxer is the farm horse who patiently endured the farmer's demands, but believes in the cause when the pigs propose this new government. His faith in the cause never wavers, even as the pigs go from making hiccup mistakes in government to outright treason of the original social contract. Whenever there is difficulty, Boxer repeats his mantra. "I must work harder." Boxer is a tragic character for many reasons, but is admirable all the same to me. Yes, he is being exploited, but I guess we all are in our own ways. I have my own deceptions which pain me to acknowledge. I want to grit my teeth and redouble my efforts instead of admitting weakness.
In the end, this character really sticks out as excellent in my mind, and though he isn't human, his flaws are altogether too much so. Animal Farm is a satire, an allegory, a modern day parable. It is many things. It is a story and the readers will each take away something different from the text. But there is a commonality of feeling and reference, though for varying reasons and amount of identification with the cast. I enjoy stories that connect with me emotionally and make me care about what happens to the character. Some ongoing stories I follow for the arc of one character.
To see what happens to them.
I am conflicted about endings, as they are a difficult thing to perform. They have no obligation to satisfy everyone, whether they be fictional or real life, but I can blame the writers in fiction. Perhaps they didn't give the justice I believed it should have been bestowed, but they owe nothing to their audience except to entertain their thoughts and attentions in exchange for time and money. Real life is trickier, as often I have no one to blame but myself for my lack of peace with any endings I encounter. Bitterness after the parting of ways with another, be they dead or dead to me. Bittersweet farewells as time was cut too short between diverging paths in life or death. But every so often, I have the grace to recognize an ending and enjoy it. The closing of a book after the final chapter (satisfying thump as I flip it over and sigh). The parting embrace of a friend as they go off to a new adventure (“For you shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace." - Isaiah 55:12. It lies in script above my back door at home).
And so many other smaller ones which I forget.
Until a time comes when my mind dislodges one of these memories, drifting like a fall breeze, and brings a smile to my face as it all comes full circle once more.
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