There are times that I forget myself. I don't remember that I am a person that other people might be invested in. And it is not that I think people dislike me, but I am often self-aware of my flaws and shortcomings, and how much I admire and love other people that it does not occur to me that I am as loved.
I am more comfortable with giving than I am receiving, and it is something that God has been working on with me. I am always grateful to receive love and affection, but it does not strike me as something I am entitled to have. I like earning things. I like doing work for others and the gratitude I get back from a job well done. But God doesn't work that way. He loves without expectation of a reciprocal return of being worthy or deserving of that love. And it always surprises and inspires me. I want to live into that love and mirror it in my life. But I am forgetful that others might love me too. And I am ever surprised and delighted to discover that.
God's mercies are new every morning, and I am forgetful of that as well sometimes. I wake up some mornings and don't feel especially hopeful or gracious. But God is both those things and so much more, and I want to be like my heavenly Father and learn to have that hope and grace. He is patient with His children, and gives good gifts beyond what it would be fathomable to know, and as needful that I don't even realize I cannot live without those supports.
Recently, I remembered the female fronted rock group Flyleaf, and wondered what they did beyond their debut album. So I looked them up on Spotify and learned that they had a cover of "How He Loves" recorded at a live concert. And I was able to hear the message of the song anew, in an unfamiliar context, having to reevaluate the lyrics. It was such an unusual choice that I had to really consider the song beyond how I took it for granted at Sunday worship services. I am as guilty of consumerist tendencies as anyone - what becomes familiar and known by rote sometimes does not have the same impact on the heart and mind. But the song's lyrics are beautiful and touching. "How He Loves" is such a sweet reminder of God's overwhelming care for His children. And I am so appreciative of that reminder in the strange package of a Southern heavy distortion rock group.
My family threw me a surprise birthday party after a long day. I was tired by the day's events, and had limited capacity to react properly. I was extremely surprised and flattered, but also mainly baffled. I am such an advocate for my family and their vast array of talents, skills, and loves, that I forget that they love me too. Not for what I can give them, but for me being me. I live with me all the time. I can be self-aware & occasionally self-obsessed when lost in my own thoughts and logic for how the world works and makes sense to me, but I am rarely self-impressed. The things that come natural to me I take for granted that anyone else could do because it comes easily to me. I admire traits I lack because I know that some of them are difficult for me to perform myself and I am glad to know that they are humanly possible by seeing them modelled in another. I am better at copying something when I see an example of how something can be done. And I am still learning, and am ever in the process of becoming and striving to improve and progress.
But I forget that others love me for who I am, not for any value or worth of the things I can give them. There is love that is beyond earning, and past understanding. I am so grateful for that love, but ever surprised at its depths. I think of Psalm 139, but especially verse 6. And in lacking that understanding, I can fight the flood or accept it as beyond me and accept as much of it as I can contain, hoping to lead others to do the same by pouring into their lives from the excessive love I have received. God bless my family for this reminder. And may I always remember this love with the same wonder as the first time and cherish those around me as well.
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