I recently read Everything Happens for A Reason & Other Lies I Believed by Kate Bowler. It opens with a rawness that is like a gut punch to an empty stomach. Tonight, I read the first chapter of One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voscamp. That was a strike to a different area - making contact with a heart full of loss & grief, fit to burst at the slightest touch.
It comes down to the question: "Why would a Good God allow suffering?" I haven't read C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed", but his "The Problem of Pain" is one of my favorite works by him for the thoughts it provoked in me to consider. But, in short, the refrain is that pain is much less abstract when it is inflicted on you in your own life.
Pain makes it hard to think clearly about anything except its source. And it is persistent, despite anyone else's efforts to comfort, console, or even try to snap us out of our suffering. It is different when it happens to you.
It is isolating & overwhelming all at once. It would be fascinating if only sone relief could be given from being the focus of the pain. Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt lent a different angle than the original Trent Reznor version. One with the struggles of a young man who is figuring out how to navigate his wreck of a life by relating it to a friend. The other imbued by an old man's mortality & how its current state is not what it once was, and is wondering whether it is worth the effort to continue to fight to maintain a quality of life. Both are about the current struggle, but through the tragedy of a misspent youth fading before it had a chance to bloom, or through the lens of a life in rearview which had potential unrealized & fully realized regrets. The song ends on a strong refrain of defiance in the face of the current tragic state, claiming that if they had another chance, they would choose the same path again. It is beautiful & heartbreaking all at once.
Years ago, I read Edith Schaeffer's "Affliction", and it is unflinching in it's examination of suffering & whether it might have an ultimate purpose in shaping us into better tools for executing God's gracious will. Like a knife being sharpened through grinding, like silver being proved pure through a refiner's fire. I think I should read it again to better refresh my memory on this particular angle.
I don't have answers for the questions of pain & suffering. Sometimes, I don't even have the heart to engage with it even in fiction. I love Laini Taylor's young adult fantasy novels, but after reaching the conclusion of "Strange The Dreamer", I haven't been able to muster faith in the sequel's ability to overcome & redeem a plot point left hanging. And I love her work. I have borrowed the sequel "Muse of Nightmares" twice & have yet to crack the cover. I keep looking at it with longing for my curiosity to be satisfied & rewarded, but I leave it in limbo, because I am not certain that I would be able to shake the world of the book when navigating my daily life outside of it. This is entirely something which is not really happening, but the imagination can amplify even false things to such a scale that the unreality intersects into the real. Words lead to images, which lead to thoughts, and those ideas linger in minds long enough to leave impressions even as the details fade to an absence.
Life features many losses, and in the longing for the missing support, I can be blinded to potential gains & blessings around me which might grant me opportunities for a greater & fuller life to spill over into others with exceeding abundance.
In another group study, I am going through the book of Ecclesiastes. Recently discussing chapter three which famously lists a time & season for all things under the sun. There is a time to rejoice & a time to mourn. A time to embrace & a time to refrain from embracing. And one of the group members is currently going through an acute time of suffering due to a recent event. It is rough, & I recognize the hurt & pain, for which I cannot give reason or proportional comfort. But I can pray that my heavenly Father might grant peace, wisdom, & comfort to navigate the brokenness of this world, and heal our wounds when we encounter its sharp edges from that brokenness.
If you are going through a time of suffering, know that I love you & grieve with you, even if I may not know you personally or well. I just know that Christ died to redeem my life from the wretched wrecks I managed to make of it with my reckless decisions. Out of love, He sought to reshape & reform my pieces into His image. I still have imperfections, but I long for perfection.
I am reminded of a part of a verse from Come Thou Fount of Ev'ry Blessing:
"Jesus sought me when a stranger
Wandering from the fold of God
He, to rescue me from danger
Interposed His precious blood."
And if Christ can love a stranger, I would like to do the same. As a friend once told me "Kyrie Eleison indeed to all of us." Which is a good Greek reminder to call upon in times of trouble.
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