Eternal - Fragile

I have a sense of trust built into the everyday - I expect machines and appliances to meet my needs more often than malfunction horrifically. I bought an Underoath album entitled "They're only chasing safety." The cover artwork is an innocent soul with an transparent oxygen mask, staring ahead in hope. Though the band itself is earsplitting and riotous, they still hit a nerve - People are accustomed to being safe and comfortable. When this privilege is revoked for even short periods, we panic like Linus without his security blanket.

We like the illusion that we control our own lives, it gives us confidence and boldness in taking action. In reality, our existence is so dependent upon other factors, trusting that people and the products they create will save us time and effort - we don't have to do everything. I can focus on doing schoolwork, use a school provided terminal, know that the clocks in the buildings are accurate, have confidence that my fellow students will behave civilly, etc.

I wonder a lot, and not always productively. The thought that puzzled me the most was - What if God had not created THIS world. He was certainly under no obligation to do so in my worldview. What if I had never existed in this human form, or at all? I am not talking about reincarnation, but how would I see the world differently? Descartes' "I think therefore I am" has been touted as profound for any number of reasons - my current reference to the view that "I cannot imagine not thinking or being."

Like David, I wonder "What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?" Psalm 8:4. I don't deserve any of this, and should show my appreciation for this unmerited opportunity by making the most of it while I can. Who am I? I am not merely my body, limbs, and mind. They are merely members of a corporeal self to a spiritual personhood. One of my father's friends once commented - "We are not physical beings in a spiritual world, but spiritual beings in a physical world."

I have to trust each day, not always consciously (that would be tedious), but I can be gracious. My life is not my own, and I will entrust that its keeper knows how best to care for it. I will uphold my part and pursue wisdom, knowledge, and companionship on this earth. I will prepare myself for the challenges to come. My safety is not yet compromised, but I will not fear when it may be penetrated by reality's weight. I have a savior, and He is not afar off in paradise, but had suffered and known or joys and shame. Thank you.

Monkey - Bars

When I was but a lad, I remember trips to the playground and the the joy I had with the equipment. It was always the monkey bars that thrilled me the most. I mean, ziplines are great, but they only require that the kid hangs on tightly - the trip is over soon enough. Monkey bars had a sense of accomplishment in the suspension from the ground, that extra motivation that falling would be frightening for my short legs to brace themselves in time. I had the uncool technique of grabbing both hands on a bar before proceeding, instead of making it look as natural as a chimp - that enviable quality of using the momentum of swings to alternate holds.

There was even a variation on the idea of this monkey bar concept - one playground had a set of three angular wheels on an overhead frame. In this iteration, it was all about the momentum and timing. You would grab the first and ride it for half a turn, ending up on the other side, just within reach of the next. Sometimes the middle one would stick, leaving me becalmed and feeling foolish. The real challenge was to have enough momentum to make it to the end and swing 'round all the way back to the original platform.

Oh, it was so exciting and new in those early days. I cannot recapture the adrenaline rush and vague sense of high suspension I had back then. My legs and arms are longer, and now I can do the monkey bars while my feet are on the ground. I don't think too many kids enjoy the playgrounds anymore - parents view that equipment as dangerous and petition for safety measures that kill the excitement of fantasizing, "I am doing something cool and adventurous!"

I hope to view the same joy vicariously through the eyes of a child someday. It may not be when the child is enjoying the simple pleasures of monkey bars, but I will enjoy the wonder and joy of the young one all the same.

Doozy - Rarely

Everything looks easier for us now, and sometimes it really is. But for the small voice whispering - "Don't be fooled, prepare for everything." I need to listen to this voice more often, given the pause I will have in academics for the next few days.

I plan to spend my break studying the concepts and mechanics of the subjects I am undertaking this semester - for far too long I have sat upon my brain, expecting that my pattern recognition will win me a decent grade. I know I am smart, but to be brilliant and set apart takes some dedication.

Some classes take less upkeep and studying than the core material. Others are difficult to the point of straining the time budget you originally allotted. I need to remember that not everyone has my gifts and weaknesses. For every savvy student, there is a struggling one thinking "Man! I wish I had it as together as _______." This thought is sobering in two ways - "It is not only me that is having trouble" as well as the answer for times when I think "This section easy - why spend so much time on it in class?" It is a good thing to remember in the easy classes feeling like the ideal, and in the hard classes knowing that not everyone is as good as they seem.

We all need reminders and encouragement. But not only for the obvious feeling of comfort, but for the longer effect of living out what you say and what is said about you.

We can't meet all others' expectations, but hey, if we are putting forth our best. God will settle accounts better than we can comprehend.

I am not always as clever as I wish I could be, but I have my moments of inspiration.

Year - Marked

I had a great idea for this, I was even scribbling it down on paper. Alas, I lost it and cannot transcribe its contents. This marks the first year of J&K, my sister and her husband's anniversary. I miss her dearly - her smile that shines forth brilliantly, radiating her love and joy to all around her; the passionate strokes of interwoven notes Kels awakens in pianos; the eloquence, grace, and sprezzatura by which she glides through life. There are times when her confidence falters, but she never loses heart or faith in the hope that things will work for the best.

John, one of the finest fellows I have ever had the pleasure of calling friend. I love him as a brother, and trust him implicitly with the care of my beloved sister. John shows forbearance and goodwill in his relationships with others, quick with a grin and a timely word of encouragement. He has a way about him that exudes the joy he has in living life - when I worked under him, he made mundane and everyday tasks into a pleasure and honor to accomplish.

They both love and serve their Savior, that is what has drawn them away to a far away land. They are adventuring and laboring towards a vision of a birthing clinic for Mercy in Action in the Philippines. Thinking of this blessed and glorious union, of which I was a witness one year ago, still brings a smile to my face. I will raise my coffee cup and continued prayers for their health and safety during their stay in the Philippines. Here is to the reminder that we should all aspire to 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."

Honeycrisp - Pudding

What a curious breakfast it is
For anyone to eat.
My excuse is that I'm studious -
My diet's incomplete.

Oh! honeycrisp apple
Tasting ever so sweet!
I eat you to the core.
No mess left - I am neat.

Then "Hello with the pudding!"
I chortle to myself.
Chocolate whipped in a cup.
It pleases me quite well.

But these two items hardly make
A balanced breakfast scene.
But they satiate hunger's edge -
Which, otherwise, is keen.

If I were asked to choose any meal
Under the sun and sky.
My breakfast choice would be easily...
A bagel, mmm yeah! Why?

Outtake - Input

What I am trying to say about expletives in language is that I prefer not to deal with the taboos or push the envelope. But when I first listened to music and speakers tossing such words like darts, I winced as they hit my ballooning filters with thundering "pops." I worry that as I grow older and more accustomed to their noise and the barbed slurs, that I will inadvertently join their ranks with a slipped tongue.

The answer is easy - respond in kindness and gentility towards friends when the subject arises, and avoid watching footage of those who habitually swear. Some of my young friends enjoy the #1 subscribed YouTuber Ray William Johnson. His angle is that he picks 6 videos a week and showcases them in two shows, adding commentary and background as he sees fit. The famously diminutive New Yorker is indeed gifted as a commentator, but he swears as a habit. He self edits out his swears with a conventional "bleep," but their meanings are clearly implied. In one episode, Ray was reviewing a friend's video - a young girl singing a song accompanied her father on an acoustic guitar. He consciously made an effort not to swear, as he knew the young girl would be watching.

However, I have tried to curtail watching Ray, as he grew bolder in reaching popularity and added more footage to the ends of his videos, his outros were rank with his outtakes of missing the script and swearing to himself to mentally prepare for the retake.

I don't want to lapse into such behavior, so I am trying to cut the list of those I follow on YouTube. Also, I haven't the time to spare in exhaustively viewing all the people I do like on YouTube - my work and school are becoming more demanding.

Intake - Output

It all started with a twitter account. I activated one when a friend from facebook put out a request for more followers. I quickly found that it wasn't particularly exclusive - that he linked his twitter and facebook posts, making this account to be a redundant pursuit.

Determined not to make it a total loss, I started to "follow" YouTube personalities that I enjoyed or thought interesting. One such fellow was Alex Day (YT user:nerimon), a young British atheist who was friends with the cheerful and popular Charlie McDonnell (YT user:charlieissocoollike). He tweeted about a collaborative channel called Sarcaschicks, which appeared quite a clever and intriguing title. The five girls have now completed three weeks of vlogs, each week a different subject for them to discuss and add input.

They are still figuring out what to do with the channel, and test out different genres in their fledgling entries. I liked watching the Wednesday and Thursday vloggers' views and opinions, but the remaining three have language problems. Monday swears as to add adjectives, Tuesday does it as a form of liberation from the social constraints of language, and Friday? Well, Friday spits out curse words as reflexively as a turtle recoils into its shell.

This raises a problem with me - I don't swear for multiple reasons. Major uses are outlined in the descriptions above - Attention/Emphasis/Discouragement/Vocabulary. I don't care to bring attention to myself; to use them for emphasis is to take a coward's way out of finding the right words; I try to be civil and polite to others, even when they are obnoxious or forward; and I don't care to have black in my palette of colorful language.

Relapse - Awakening

I am at a loss for what to say sometimes, so I just remain silent and hope that inspiration will float my way. If you haven't noticed - inspiration doesn't arrive on schedule, you must pursue it in research and interest. I hate to say it, but I can't write when I don't know new information. (This is an attempt to restate the maxim, "You can't give what you don't have." I am feeling prone to hiding behind rote cliches.)

I have been studying economics, statistics, and accounting; however, that doesn't make for engaging reading for anyone save students, and I might mistake opinion for fact in my declarations. The point of this is that I have been lapsing back on old habits - surfing the internet, refreshing pages, and hoping for new content to entertain me. Within a few weeks, I become disheartened and cycle through cold turkey withdrawal and impulsive resuming of the behavior.

This course of action only serves to leave me feeling empty and distracted. I am left with the quiet knowledge that anything short of communion with my Lord and Savior will ultimately disappoint. And for that reason, it is useful in a self-inflicted way - I've searched the works of man and troll and found it to be dross - what did I expect?

Hmm... This could interest me as a subject for the week, I'll continue tomorrow.