I don't understand me at times, why I feel what I feel when I feel that way for a period of time.
Complicated and repetitive when stated with such a redundant phrase "I feel" above?
It makes sense to me at the time, and therein lies my problem - If I bother editing out my missteps, then I end up over-thinking what I am attempting to convey. Even worse, I lose the spark of spontaneity and stream-of-consciousness logic I originally had. Furthermore compounding the problem, I sometimes cannot follow my own logic behind why I transition between certain thoughts.
However I look at this, writing my thoughts down helps to collect what mattered to me today. Back to the introspection - Why do I act the way I do? "Because it amuses me at times to do so" is a brutally honest answer, but I don't have that mood consistently enough to justify it as a coverall. At other times, "It appeared to flow as appropriate to the situation." This attitude stems from, 2.7032+1.2968=4. I see an opportunity and attempt to take advantage by combining the necessary elements. "It needs to be done, no way around it." This is the desired frame of mind - flinted determination to accomplish a task by its deadline or, even better, in advance.
Unfortunately, this last one takes some practice, but I am making daily progress.
My sister was frustrated when she told me about not understanding me or guys in general. I replied, "I don't understand me either, but I refuse to take it personally." I am not exemplary of the male race, as I am no template or ideal of what manhood is. I am just me, and still trying to work from there to a greater premise.
Until I do, be patient. :D
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